Crushing My Inner Princess

My husband, three and a half year old daughter, and I just saw Disney's latest film The Princess and the Frog. While watching the vibrantly animated film, I was surprised to see that it featured an independent and goal-oriented lead, female character. This started me thinking about all the subtle messages, that are communicated to us, about gender, through the stories, movies, television, and products we encounter as children.

It was not the thought that my favorite childhood tales had been vehicles through which, society whispered in my ears, it's "rules" of femininity, it was the realization that I have formed my values and expectations about relationships based on these subtle suggestions. Just to be clear, I am not arguing that movies, books, and television programs are the sole influence on the formation of my thoughts about how a "girl" should behave, but I wonder what sort of ideals I would have if I had never watched or read Cinderella, Snow White, or The Little Mermaid.

I think I am focused on this issue for two reasons.

First, I am currently, and have been for about five years, struggling with the discrepancy between, the romantic relationship I imagined I would have with a man verses the relationship I actually have with my husband. I cannot seem to convince myself that our relationship is valid (for lack of a better word) because from the beginning, things have been unconventional, to say the least (we knew each other for about one month before I became pregnant). I constantly wrestle with the fact that, not only were we not planning on having a child, we weren't in love or even in a committed relationship. We certainly weren't planning on living "happily ever after!" I mean, he was in the process of moving to another state for God's sake. And, what bothers me even more, is that, despite all of this, I was ready to be "rescued" by him, not once considering how I felt about him, only worrying about how he felt. To this day, one of my biggest concerns is whether or not he views me as his "one true love."

All of this seems silly to me when I think about the reality of our relationship. We are respectful to each other, we laugh at each other's jokes, we have very similar views of how a household should operate, we actually like each other, we wish for the good and growth of each other. What else could one wish for in a marriage? My objective self thinks, "nothing," but the princess in me throws her tiara and screams, "PASSION, ROMANCE, A SOUL MATE CONNECTION, BEING SWEPT OFF YOUR FEET, FIREWORKS!" Okay, okay, maybe "myselves" could meet in the middle and settle for a few extra sexual advances, an "oh my God, you are so beautiful and wonderful" comment here and there, and a preplanned date night, once a month or so.

I really want to try to be more "zen" and just accept things the way they are. I really just want to be happy and appreciative of the many riches I have in my life. However, that is not likely to happen, as I have trouble with things like self-discipline and rational thinking, especially when it comes to love.

Anyway, the second reason I am concerned with this issue, is because, I am the mother of a female child and feel that I am the one (being a woman myself) who is responsible for providing her with the resources that will help shape her views of relationships and the role of women. I also, can't help but wonder, how she will be influenced by my ideas concerning female roles. I don't want her to be a "damsel in distress" or a passive participant in her relationships with men. I want her to think about the impact of her decisions. I want her to be independent and goal driven. But, I am not sure how to make that happen, especially if there is truth to this quote by James Baldwin, "children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them."

I guess, I should immediately remove her from her current spot in front of the television, where she is watching the Aristocats, pry the princess dress and shoes off her little body, and design a plan of action that will mold us both, into strong, confident, level-headed women of the twenty first century.

Well, maybe I will wait until O'Malley the Alley Cat finishes singing, romances the Dutchess, and rescues her and the kittens from the greedy butler.

http://www.commonsensemedia.org/movie-reviews/princess-and-frog

http://www.collider.com/2009/12/11/the-princess-and-the-frog-review/