I'm Official!

I am in a really crappy mood. I don't want to be talked to or touched, loud noises and clutter overwhelm me (it doesn't help that I have a three year old who is normally the source of both of those annoyances), I am extremely tired, I feel anxious, I feel very angry at times, I am very sensitive to everything that comes out of my husband's mouth and am in no mood for his cynical remarks, I am obsessive about cleaning and organizing everything but usually become overwhelmed by it all and do nothing, I feel reclusive, and I am very hungry. Yes, you guessed it, I have PMS. But, it is not just the common PMS you hear of, where women feel, "a little moody and bloated," I have been officially diagnosed with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), which is described by WebMD as having symptoms that are, "...similar to those of PMS, but are severe enough to interfere with work, social activities, and relationships."

I have suffered with this "disorder" for many years. As I look back over the years, I can see a direct correlation between the two weeks prior to "my time of the month" and difficulties with loved ones. I can remember as far back as high school, having an argument with a boyfriend on Valentine's Day in response to my clouded PMDD perception of the situation. (I think I thought he didn't want to celebrate Valentine's Day with me or something like that. I just remember him being very angry because he had big plans for the day and I ruined them). Unfortunately, the majority of those who know me, have experienced my "bad weeks," whether it has been through an irrational argument, an experience as the target of one of my moods, or being emotionally and physically "abandoned" because of my "reclusiveness" around this time. I feel awful about this!

Because, for years, I have felt terrible about my PMDD induced behaviors, I have tried every natural herbal remedy and vitamin out there, diet changes, and relaxation techniques, including exercise. These have all worked great until the "bad weeks," and then I lose motivation to take the pills, eat the right foods, or exercise as I should. And it is not because I am lazy, it is because I become overwhelmed by all the factors involved and I just shut down.

All of this has sucked for me and the other adults around me, but it wasn't until I became a mother and realized that my child was being affected by my disorder, that I made a commitment to do whatever it took to protect her. So, I entered the world of prescription treatments.

You may have heard about the birth control pill, Yaz as a treatment for PMDD. The commericial for this drug that stands out most, to me, is the one with the really happy girl kicking and destroying the words irritability, mood swings, and bloating. Well, because that commericial was so inspiring to me, Yaz was my first attempt at a conventional treatment for my problem.

Instead of my symptoms being limited to the two weeks before my period as before, while on Yaz I felt irritable, sad, and hungry all the time. So, I quit after the first month, instead of giving it the three month trial as recommended by my doctor.

It was not until I moved to a new city and obtained insurance, that I tried the prescription route again. This time, I went to my family doctor and asked for something to help with stress and PMS. She had me try Prozac. Oh boy, let's just say, I didn't experience any PMDD symptoms because I was completely "drunk" the entire time I was on the drug. It was so bad, I almost couldn't drive a car (and, honestly, shouldn't have been driving).

Again, I quit.

Months later, after hearing positive things about the SSRI, Zoloft from a coworker, I decided to give it a try. After a few dosage adjustments, I finally experienced some relief. The symptoms still remained but were less intense and the drug gave me some time to think before I acted. I have taken Zoloft for a year now and continue to experience a small "breaks" from this disorder. Yet, I still have bad days, like yesterday and today, and although I am appreciative for the relief I have had from Zoloft, I continue to search for a treatment that will work fully and consistently.

My most recent plan of action was to visit my new gynecologist to discuss PMDD and whether or not there are any new treatment options. During this visit, I was finally diagnosed with the disorder and found out that the only treatments that have been shown in studies to be effective in treating PMDD are SSRI's (anti-depressants) and Yaz. So, she prescribed Yaz once again, told me to give it some time, and to take my vitamins with it.

I listened to her advice for the first month and then, because I was worried about the many reported negative side effects of the drug, I stopped taking it. Then, because I felt like I didn't give it enough time and that Yaz may be the one treatment that would help me, I tried it again. However, within a few weeks, I felt bad again and stopped taking it, again. (All of this may sound as if I am crazy and kind of stupid but, I think it just speaks to the struggles of many with health issues and spotlights the reality that remedies are frequently worse than the diseases they are meant to treat).

So, here I am today. I haven't taken Yaz for a month and my PMDD is extra bad this month (probably my fault for creating so many hormonal fluctuations, in my body, by starting and stopping so many times). I guess, I will be a good patient, ignore my gut feelings, take the Yaz for at least three months, and hope I see some improvement and don't end up with a blood clot. Wish me luck.